Secular Step Eleven
THROUGHOUT our recovery journey, we have been developing the capacity for honest self-reflection, moral accountability, and service to others. We have learned to identify and change character defects, make amends for past harms, and maintain ongoing vigilance about our behavior and attitudes. Now, in Step Eleven, we turn our attention to cultivating the inner practices that support and sustain all of this outer work.
For those comfortable with spiritual language, Step Eleven represents the development of a prayer and meditation practice that connects us more deeply with our understanding of God or higher power. For those preferring secular approaches, Step Eleven involves developing practices of reflection, mindfulness, and values alignment that connect us with guidance and strength beyond our immediate impulses and preferences.
The essential movement is the same regardless of the language we use: we are seeking to live with greater awareness, deeper wisdom, and more consistent alignment with our highest values. We are developing practices that help us access guidance that is wiser than our momentary emotions, more reliable than our individual reasoning, and more compassionate than our self-centered impulses.
Step Eleven represents a shift from recovery as a set of actions we take to recovery as a way of being we cultivate. While the previous steps involved specific tasks—taking inventory, making amends, admitting wrongs—Step Eleven involves developing ongoing practices that integrate recovery principles into the fabric of our daily lives.
Conscious Contact with Values
In secular recovery, "conscious contact" means developing an ongoing, intentional awareness of our core values and how to live them. This involves:
- Regular reflection on what our values mean in practical terms
- Mindful awareness of how well we're living our principles
- Intentional practice of bringing values into daily decisions
- Ongoing dialogue between our ideals and our actions
Various Forms of Practice
Different people find different practices helpful for maintaining conscious contact with their values:
Traditional Spiritual Practices
- Prayer: Speaking to or with a higher power
- Meditation: Quiet contemplation or mindfulness practice
- Scripture study: Reading spiritual texts for guidance
- Worship: Participating in religious community
Secular Alternatives
- Quiet time: Daily periods of reflection without distraction
- Journaling: Writing to explore thoughts, feelings, and values
- Mindful breathing: Focused attention on breath to center ourselves
- Nature walks: Connecting with something larger through natural beauty
- Therapy: Professional guidance for self-understanding
- Reading: Studying philosophy, psychology, or wisdom literature
- Art or music: Creative expression as a form of spiritual practice
Avoiding Magical Thinking
Whatever practices we choose, we test our "guidance" against reality:
- Reality check: Does this make practical sense?
- Feedback from others: What do trusted people think?
- Results over time: Does following this guidance produce good outcomes?
- Values alignment: Does this align with our stated principles?
- Harm assessment: Could following this guidance hurt anyone?
Daily Connection to Principles
We develop regular practices to stay connected to our core principles:
Morning Practice
- Review our values and what they mean for today
- Set intentions for how we want to show up
- Visualize challenging situations and practice responding from our values
- Ask: "What would integrity look like today?"
Throughout the Day
- Brief pauses before important decisions
- Checking in with our values during stressful moments
- Asking: "What do my principles require here?"
- Practicing mindful awareness of our motivations
Evening Reflection
- Review how well we lived our values
- Identify moments of alignment and misalignment
- Learn from mistakes without harsh self-judgment
- Set intentions for tomorrow
Rehearsing Values in Imagination
We practice living our values by visualizing challenging scenarios:
- Conflict situations: How would we respond with compassion and honesty?
- Tempting opportunities: How would we maintain integrity under pressure?
- Difficult relationships: How would we balance boundaries with kindness?
- Work challenges: How would we demonstrate our values professionally?
- Family dynamics: How would we show up authentically and lovingly?
Responding to Disturbance
When we're emotionally disturbed, we have a simple process:
- Pause: Stop whatever we're doing or about to do
- Breathe: Take several deep breaths to center ourselves
- Connect with values: Ask what our principles would require
- Choose conscious action: Act from our values rather than our emotions
Common Values to Cultivate
While everyone's values are personal, common ones in recovery include:
- Honesty: Speaking truth and living authentically
- Courage: Facing difficulties rather than avoiding them
- Compassion: Treating ourselves and others with kindness
- Responsibility: Owning our actions and their consequences
- Humility: Right-sizing our ego and remaining teachable
- Service: Contributing to something beyond ourselves
- Growth: Remaining open to learning and change
- Justice: Working for fairness and equity
- Gratitude: Appreciating what we have
- Acceptance: Making peace with what we cannot change
Practical Implementation
To practice Step Eleven effectively:
- Choose a daily practice that resonates with you
- Start small and build consistency before expanding
- Experiment with different forms of reflection and mindfulness
- Focus on practical application, not perfect execution
- Share your practice with others for accountability
- Adjust your approach based on what works
- Remember that the goal is alignment, not enlightenment
Seeking Knowledge and Power
In Step Eleven, we seek two things:
- Knowledge of how to live our values: Understanding what our principles require in specific situations
- Power to carry that out: Strength to act on our values even when it's difficult
This knowledge comes through:
- Regular reflection on our values and their application
- Learning from others who embody the qualities we admire
- Studying wisdom traditions, philosophy, or psychology
- Paying attention to the results of our choices
This power comes through:
- Building habits that support values-based living
- Developing emotional regulation skills
- Creating supportive community connections
- Practicing courage in small ways to build strength for larger challenges
The Fruit of Step Eleven
Regular practice of Step Eleven typically produces:
- Greater clarity about what matters most to us
- Increased ability to act from principle rather than impulse
- More peace and less internal conflict
- Better decision-making aligned with our authentic selves
- Deeper sense of purpose and meaning
- Enhanced capacity to handle life's challenges
- Stronger connection to community and service
Step Eleven helps us live not just soberly, but meaningfully—aligned with what we believe and value most deeply. It's the step that transforms recovery from the absence of drinking into the presence of purposeful, principled living.