Step Seven

SINCE this Step focuses directly on humility, let's pause here to explore what humility really means and how practicing it can transform our lives.

According to AA literature, the foundation of all Twelve Steps is developing greater humility. Without some degree of humility, no person struggling with alcohol can stay sober. Nearly all AA members have discovered that unless they develop much more of this essential quality than what's needed just for sobriety, they have little chance of finding true happiness. Without humility, people can't live with real purpose or, when life gets tough, find the faith to handle any crisis.

Humility in Today's World

In today's world, humility gets a bad reputation. The word itself is often misunderstood and disliked. Many people have no real experience with humility as a way of life. Much of our daily conversation and media consumption celebrates individual achievement and self-promotion.

With remarkable intelligence, scientists have unlocked nature's secrets. The vast resources being harnessed promise such material abundance that many believe a human-made utopia is just around the corner. Poverty will disappear, and there will be enough for everyone to have all the security and satisfaction they want. The theory goes that once everyone's basic needs are met, there won't be much left to fight about. The world will become happy and free to focus on culture and character. Through intelligence and hard work alone, humans will control their own destiny.

Certainly no person with addiction, and surely no AA member, wants to dismiss material progress. Nor does anyone argue with those who passionately believe that satisfying their basic desires is life's main goal. But many have found that no group of people ever made a bigger mess of trying to live by this formula than those with addiction. For years, they demanded more than their fair share of security, status, and excitement. When they seemed to be winning, they drank to dream even bigger dreams. When they were frustrated, even partially, they drank to escape. There was never enough of what they thought they wanted.

Our Lack of Humility

In all these efforts, many well-intentioned, the biggest handicap was a lack of humility. People in addiction lacked the perspective to see that character development and spiritual growth had to come first, and that material satisfaction wasn't life's purpose. Predictably, they had completely confused the goal with the means. Instead of seeing material comfort as a tool for living and functioning as human beings, they made these comforts their final destination.

True, most people in addiction thought good character was important, but obviously good character was something you needed to get ahead in the business of being self-satisfied. With the right display of honesty and morality, they'd have a better chance of getting what they really wanted. But whenever they had to choose between character and comfort, character development got lost in their chase after what they thought was happiness. They rarely looked at character development as something valuable in itself, something worth pursuing regardless of whether their immediate needs were met. They never considered making honesty, tolerance, and genuine love for others and God the daily foundation of their lives.

This lack of connection to lasting values, this blindness to true purpose, created another serious problem. As long as people believed they could live solely through their own strength and intelligence, genuine faith in a Higher Power was impossible. This was true even when they believed God existed. They could have sincere religious beliefs that remained empty because they were still trying to be their own god. As long as they put self-reliance first, real reliance on a Higher Power was out of reach. That basic ingredient of all humility—a desire to seek and follow God's will—was missing.

Learning Humility Through Experience

For people in addiction, gaining a new perspective was incredibly painful. Only through repeated humbling experiences were they forced to learn about humility. Only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of their self-sufficiency, did they begin to see humility as more than just groveling despair. Every newcomer to Alcoholics Anonymous is told, and soon realizes, that humbly admitting powerlessness over alcohol is the first step toward freedom from its paralyzing grip.

So people first see humility as necessary. But this is just the beginning. To completely overcome resistance to being humble, to see humility as the path to true freedom of the human spirit, to willingly work for humility because they want it for itself—this takes most people a very long time. A whole lifetime geared toward self-centeredness can't be reversed overnight. Rebellion fights at every step initially.

When people finally admit without reservation that they're powerless over alcohol, they're likely to breathe a huge sigh of relief, saying, "Well, thank God that's over! I'll never have to go through that again!" Then they learn, often to their dismay, that this is only the first milestone on their new journey. Still driven by sheer necessity, they reluctantly face those serious character flaws that made them problem drinkers in the first place—flaws that must be addressed to prevent slipping back into addiction. They'll want to eliminate some of these defects, but in some cases this seems impossible, and they back away. They cling desperately to others that are equally disturbing because they still enjoy them too much. How can they possibly find the determination and willingness to overcome such overwhelming compulsions and desires?

But again people are pushed forward by the undeniable conclusion they draw from AA experience: they absolutely must try with everything they have, or they'll fall by the wayside. At this stage, they're under intense pressure to do the right thing. They must choose between the pain of trying and the certain consequences of failing to try. These initial steps are taken reluctantly, but they do take them. They may still not think highly of humility as a desirable personal quality, but they recognize it as essential for their survival.

Discovering the Value of Humility

But when people take an honest look at some of these defects, discuss them with another person, and become willing to have them removed, their understanding of humility begins to expand. By this time they've probably gained some relief from their most destructive handicaps. They experience moments of something like real peace of mind. For those who previously knew only excitement, depression, or anxiety—in other words, all of them—this newfound peace is priceless. Something genuinely new has been added. Where humility once meant being forced to eat humble pie, it now begins to represent the nourishing ingredient that can give them serenity.

This improved understanding of humility triggers another revolutionary change in perspective. People's eyes open to the immense value that has come directly from painful ego-deflation. Until now, their lives were largely about running from pain and problems. They avoided them like the plague. They never wanted to face the reality of suffering. Escape through drinking was always their solution. Character development through suffering might work for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to them.

Then, in AA, people watched and listened. Everywhere they saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. They heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than they expected. It brought a measure of humility, which they soon discovered healed their pain. They began to fear pain less and desire humility more than ever.

A New Relationship with God

During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result was the change in people's attitude toward God. This was true whether they had been believers or non-believers. They stopped thinking of the Higher Power as some sort of emergency backup plan, called upon only in crisis. The idea that they would still run their own lives with God helping occasionally began to fade. Many who thought themselves religious woke up to the limitations of this attitude. By refusing to put God first, they had cut themselves off from God's help. But now the words "By myself I am nothing; God does the work" began to carry bright promise and meaning.

People saw they didn't always have to be beaten into humility. It could come just as much from voluntarily reaching for it as from relentless suffering. A major turning point in their lives came when they sought humility because they really wanted it, rather than because they had to have it. This marked the moment they could begin to see the full meaning of Step Seven: "Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings."

Preparing for Step Seven

As people approach actually taking Step Seven, it might be helpful if they ask themselves once more what their deeper goals are. Each would like to live at peace with themselves and with others. They would like to be assured that God's grace can do for them what they cannot do for themselves. They've seen that character defects based on shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles blocking their path toward these goals. They now clearly see that they've been making unreasonable demands on themselves, on others, and on God.

The main driver of these defects has been self-centered fear—primarily fear that people would lose something they already had or fail to get something they demanded. Living based on unsatisfied demands, they were in a constant state of disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was possible unless they could find a way to reduce these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is obvious to anyone.

Step Seven is where people make the attitude change that allows them, with humility as their guide, to move out from themselves toward others and toward God. The entire emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. The AA approach suggests that people should now be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of their other shortcomings, just as they did when they admitted they were powerless over alcohol and came to believe that a Power greater than themselves could restore them to sanity. If that degree of humility enabled them to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be removed, then there must be hope for the same result with any other problem they could possibly have.