What This Step Means
Step Seven is about asking for help to change. After becoming willing in Step Six, you now take action by actually asking your Higher Power to help you change. This step requires humility, which means knowing you can't change yourself through willpower alone and being willing to ask for help. It means letting go of pride and self-will and trusting that your Higher Power can change you in ways you cannot change yourself.
This step is different from Step Six because now you're not just getting ready to change - you're actively asking for the change to happen. You're praying for your Higher Power to remove the character defects that cause problems in your life and relationships. You're putting your trust in a power greater than yourself to do what you cannot do alone.
The word "humbly" is very important in this step. It doesn't mean putting yourself down or thinking you're worthless. Instead, it means having a realistic understanding of your place in the world and your need for help. Humility allows you to ask for help without feeling ashamed and to receive help without feeling like you have to earn it or deserve it.
What "Humbly" Means
Humility is often misunderstood. It's not about thinking you're terrible or having no confidence in yourself. Humility is not about being a doormat or letting other people walk all over you. It's not about putting yourself down or believing you have no value or worth.
True humility is about knowing your place in the world and being honest about your limitations. It means understanding that you are neither better nor worse than other people, but simply human like everyone else. Humility means admitting when you need help and being grateful when you receive it.
Humility also means being teachable and open to learning new things. When you're humble, you can listen to advice from others without getting defensive. You can admit when you're wrong without feeling like a failure. You can ask questions without worrying about looking stupid.
In the context of Step Seven, humility means acknowledging that you cannot remove your character defects through willpower alone. You need help from your Higher Power to change patterns that have been part of your life for years or even decades. This kind of humility is actually very freeing because it means you don't have to carry the entire burden of changing yourself.
How to Ask
Learning how to ask your Higher Power to remove your shortcomings is a skill that develops over time. Start by being specific about what you want help with. Instead of just saying "make me a better person," ask for help with particular character defects. You might pray, "Please help me be less angry today" or "Remove my fear and replace it with trust in you."
Make this request a regular part of your daily routine. Ask for help every morning when you wake up, not just once in a while when you remember. You might say something like, "Higher Power, please help me let go of my selfishness today and think of others' needs too." The more regularly you ask, the more aware you become of your need for help and your Higher Power's presence in your life.
Be patient with the process. Some character defects might be removed quickly, while others might take time to change. Some people experience sudden shifts in their thinking and behavior, while others notice gradual changes over months or years. Trust that your Higher Power knows the right timing for your healing and growth.
Keep asking even when you don't see immediate results. Sometimes change is happening in ways you can't see yet. Sometimes your Higher Power is preparing you for change by putting you in situations where you can practice new behaviors. Keep asking with faith that your Higher Power hears you and will help you in the right way at the right time.
Examples of How to Ask
Simple prayers can be very effective for Step Seven. You don't need to use fancy words or complicated language. You might pray, "Please help me be more patient with my family today" or "Take away my need to control everything and help me trust you instead." These simple, direct requests are often the most powerful because they come from your heart.
Some people prefer longer, more detailed prayers. You might say something like, "Higher Power, I can't remove my character defects by myself. I've tried many times and failed. Please help me change. Make me willing to do whatever it takes to become a better person. Help me serve others and follow your will for my life instead of always thinking about what I want."
Many people in AA use traditional prayers like the Serenity Prayer, which asks for the serenity to accept things they cannot change, the courage to change things they can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This prayer captures the spirit of Step Seven because it asks for help with the right attitude toward change.
You can also ask for help in your own words throughout the day. When you notice yourself getting angry, you might silently pray, "Help me respond with patience instead of anger." When you feel afraid, you might ask, "Replace my fear with trust." These quick prayers throughout the day keep you connected to your Higher Power and remind you that help is always available.
What Might Happen
People have different experiences when they work Step Seven, and all of them are normal. Some character defects might be removed quickly and dramatically. You might find that you simply stop engaging in certain behaviors or having certain thoughts without much effort on your part. This can feel like a miracle, and many people describe it as such.
Other character defects might be removed slowly and gradually. You might notice that you're slightly less angry than you used to be, or that you worry a little bit less about things you can't control. These gradual changes are just as valuable as dramatic ones, even though they might be less noticeable at first.
Sometimes you might not notice changes in yourself, but other people will comment on how different you seem. Family members might say you're easier to live with, or friends might mention that you seem happier or more peaceful. Pay attention to feedback from others, as they might see changes that you're not aware of yet.
You might also find that instead of your character defects being completely removed, you're given new tools and ways of thinking that help you handle difficult situations differently. Instead of automatically getting angry when someone frustrates you, you might find yourself pausing and asking for patience. Instead of lying when you're in trouble, you might find the courage to tell the truth.
Your Part in the Process
While you're asking your Higher Power to remove your shortcomings, you also have an important part to play in the process. You need to do your part to practice new behaviors and make different choices. Your Higher Power will help you, but you still need to take action and practice new ways of living.
When you notice yourself starting to engage in old patterns, you can pause and ask for help in responding differently. If you feel anger rising, you can take a deep breath and ask for patience. If you're tempted to lie, you can ask for courage to tell the truth. Your part is to recognize these moments and actively ask for help.
You also need to practice new behaviors even when they feel awkward or unnatural at first. If you're working on being more generous, you might need to practice giving to others even when it doesn't feel natural yet. If you're working on being more honest, you might need to practice telling the truth even when it's uncomfortable.
Working with other people in recovery is also an important part of the process. Other AA members can offer suggestions for how to handle difficult situations, and they can share their own experiences of how their character defects were removed. You can ask for help from people who have been working the steps longer than you have.
Common Questions
Many people wonder what will happen if they don't see any changes after asking their Higher Power to remove their shortcomings. If you don't notice immediate changes, keep asking and be patient. Look for small changes that you might be missing, and ask other people if they notice any differences in you. Remember that some changes happen gradually and might not be obvious at first.
Some people worry that they're not humble enough to work Step Seven effectively. If you're concerned about your level of humility, you can ask your Higher Power to help you become more humble. You can practice being teachable by listening to advice from others without getting defensive. You can practice admitting when you're wrong and asking for help when you need it.
Others wonder whether they should ask for all their character defects to be removed at once, or focus on one at a time. Either approach can work, but many people find it helpful to focus on the character defects that are causing the most problems in their lives. You can ask your Higher Power for guidance about which defects to work on first.
Some people are not sure how to tell if their Higher Power is answering their prayers. Look for changes in how you react to situations that used to upset you. Notice if you feel more peaceful or patient than you used to. Pay attention to whether you're naturally wanting to help others more than before. These can all be signs that your character is changing.
Signs of Progress
You'll know that Step Seven is working when you start reacting differently to situations that used to trigger your character defects. Instead of automatically getting angry when someone cuts you off in traffic, you might find yourself staying calm. Instead of immediately lying when you make a mistake, you might find yourself telling the truth more naturally.
People who know you well will often comment on positive changes they see in you. They might say you seem happier, more peaceful, less angry, or easier to be around. These observations from others can be very encouraging and help you recognize progress you might not have noticed yourself.
You'll also notice that you feel more connected to your Higher Power and more grateful for the help you're receiving. When you see positive changes in your character, you'll naturally want to thank your Higher Power and continue asking for help. This creates a positive cycle of prayer, change, and gratitude.
Another sign of progress is that you naturally want to help other people more than you used to. As your character defects are removed, you become less focused on yourself and more aware of how you can be of service to others. This shift from self-centeredness to service is one of the most important changes that happens in recovery.
The Difference Between Steps Six and Seven
It's important to understand the difference between Step Six and Step Seven, as they work together but serve different purposes. Step Six is about getting ready and willing to change. It's about reaching a point where you want your character defects removed more than you want to keep them. It's the internal preparation that makes Step Seven possible.
Step Seven is about taking action by actually asking your Higher Power to remove your shortcomings. It's about moving from willingness to actively seeking help. Both steps are necessary - you need the willingness from Step Six to make Step Seven sincere and effective.
Without Step Six, Step Seven would just be going through the motions without really wanting to change. Without Step Seven, Step Six would be just thinking about change without actually seeking help to make it happen. The two steps work together to create the foundation for real transformation in your character.
Keep Practicing
Step Seven is not a one-time event but an ongoing practice that continues throughout your recovery. You'll need to keep asking your Higher Power for help with your character defects every day, not just once. As you grow and change, you might discover new character defects that need attention, or old ones might resurface under stress.
Make asking for help with your character a daily habit, just like brushing your teeth or eating meals. The more regularly you practice Step Seven, the more natural it becomes to turn to your Higher Power for help with all areas of your life. This daily practice keeps you connected to your Higher Power and aware of your ongoing need for help and guidance.
Be patient with yourself as you practice this step. Change takes time, and some character defects might be more stubborn than others. Don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results, and don't give up if you find yourself falling back into old patterns sometimes. Keep asking for help and trust that your Higher Power is working in your life even when you can't see it.
Celebrate small improvements and be grateful for any positive changes you notice. Even small steps forward are worth acknowledging and being thankful for. This gratitude will encourage you to keep working the step and seeking your Higher Power's help with continued growth and change.
Remember
You cannot change yourself through willpower alone, and that's perfectly okay. Your Higher Power wants to help you and has the power to remove character defects that you cannot remove yourself. This is not a sign of weakness but a recognition of how change really happens.
Your Higher Power wants good things for you and wants to help you become the person you're meant to be. Trust that the changes that happen will be for your benefit and for the benefit of your relationships. Your Higher Power's timing might be different from what you expect, but it will be right for you.
Humility is strength, not weakness. When you can admit you need help and ask for it humbly, you open yourself up to receiving the help that's available. Pride keeps you stuck, but humility allows you to grow and change in ways you never thought possible.
Remember that this process works for millions of people around the world. The step you're taking has been taken by countless others who found that their lives were transformed when they humbly asked their Higher Power to remove their shortcomings. Trust the process, keep asking for help, and be open to the changes that will come.