Secular Step Six

FEW people approach Step Six feeling entirely ready for the character changes it implies. Most of us, having completed our moral inventory and shared it with another person, can see clearly which aspects of our character and behavior need to change. Yet when it comes to being "entirely ready" to let go of these familiar patterns, we often discover unexpected resistance, ambivalence, and fear.

This resistance is completely normal and should not discourage us from proceeding. Step Six does not demand that we feel ready; it asks us to become ready through a process of honest examination and conscious choice. The readiness we seek is not an emotional state but a practical decision to align our lives with our deepest values rather than our most comfortable habits.

For those preferring secular language, Step Six represents our commitment to personal growth guided by wisdom greater than our immediate preferences. This wisdom might come from evidence-based practices, community experience, our own highest values, or the accumulated insight of others who have successfully made similar changes. The source matters less than our willingness to be guided by something more reliable than our impulses and ingrained patterns.

Understanding Character Defects in Secular Terms

Character defects, in secular terms, are simply patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that consistently create problems in our lives and relationships. They are learned responses that once served some purpose—often protection from pain or anxiety—but now cause more suffering than they prevent.

Common character defects include selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, fear, pride, envy, anger, greed, and laziness. These are not moral failings that make us bad people, but rather psychological patterns that interfere with our ability to live according to our values and to maintain healthy relationships with others.

From a secular perspective, we can understand these patterns as evolutionary adaptations that served survival purposes in primitive environments but often work against our wellbeing in modern social contexts. Or we can think of them as learned coping mechanisms that helped us navigate difficult circumstances but now outlive their usefulness.

The important point is that character defects are not permanent aspects of our personality but changeable patterns that can be modified through conscious effort, appropriate help, and consistent practice of alternative behaviors.

The Nature of Readiness

Readiness for character change is more complex than it initially appears. Most of us assume that readiness means feeling motivated and enthusiastic about change. While motivation can be helpful, it is neither necessary nor sufficient for Step Six.

True readiness consists of several elements: honest recognition that our character defects cause problems; acceptance that we cannot change these patterns through individual willpower alone; willingness to seek and follow guidance about how to change; commitment to taking the actions necessary for change, even when we don't feel like it; and patience with the gradual nature of character development.

We do not need to feel ready for character change—we need to choose readiness as a practical decision. Many people who have successfully worked Step Six report that they felt ambivalent or resistant throughout much of the process, but chose to act as if they were ready and discovered that readiness developed through practice.

Common Resistance to Character Change

Most people discover significant resistance when they honestly consider letting go of their character defects. This resistance takes many forms and understanding it helps us work with it rather than against it.

Attachment to Familiar Patterns: Even destructive character traits can feel comfortable simply because they are familiar. We know how to be resentful, controlling, or dishonest. We are less certain about how to be forgiving, trusting, or completely honest. Change requires moving from the known to the unknown, which naturally creates anxiety.

Fear of Losing Protection: Many character defects originally developed as protection from painful experiences. Dishonesty may have protected us from consequences we feared. Anger may have protected us from feeling vulnerable. Control may have protected us from the anxiety of uncertainty. Even though these protections now cause more problems than they solve, we fear we will be helpless without them.

Secret Benefits: Most character defects provide some benefits that we may be reluctant to acknowledge. Pride feels better than humility. Resentment can feel more powerful than forgiveness. Selfishness seems more immediately rewarding than service to others. Part of becoming ready involves honestly acknowledging these benefits while choosing to give them up for greater long-term wellbeing.

Fear of Losing Identity: Some people worry that removing their character defects will change them so fundamentally that they will no longer be themselves. This fear often reflects a deep confusion between our character defects and our essential identity. In reality, character change typically reveals our authentic selves rather than destroying them.

Perfectionism: Some people resist Step Six because they fear they will not be able to make perfect changes immediately. They would rather not begin the process than begin it imperfectly. This perfectionism is itself often a character defect that needs attention.

Working with Resistance

When we encounter resistance to character change, our task is not to eliminate the resistance but to work with it constructively. Resistance contains important information about our fears, attachments, and patterns that need attention.

We can begin by acknowledging our resistance honestly rather than pretending we are more ready than we actually feel. This honesty allows us to address our specific concerns rather than struggling with vague discomfort.

We can examine what we fear losing if we change, and consider whether these fears are realistic or based on outdated beliefs about ourselves and the world. Often we discover that our fears of change are more frightening than change itself.

We can also start with character defects that feel less threatening or more obviously problematic. Success with smaller changes can build confidence for tackling more challenging patterns.

Most importantly, we can remember that readiness is not a prerequisite for beginning—it is a result of beginning. We become ready through taking action, not through waiting until we feel prepared.

Practical Steps Toward Readiness

Becoming entirely ready for character change involves both inner work and outer actions. The inner work consists of honest self-examination, clarifying our values, and making conscious choices about who we want to become. The outer work involves changing our environment, relationships, and behaviors to support character development.

Clarifying Values: We need to be clear about what values we want to guide our lives. What kind of person do we want to be? How do we want to treat others? What principles do we want to govern our decisions? When our values are clear, character defects become obvious obstacles to living according to these values.

Identifying Specific Changes: General commitments to "be better" are less effective than specific identification of changes we want to make. Instead of resolving to be "less selfish," we might commit to asking others about their needs before expressing our own, or to volunteering for service work regularly.

Creating Environmental Support: Our environment can either support character change or undermine it. We may need to change our social relationships, modify our living situation, adjust our media consumption, or alter our daily routines to create conditions that make character development easier.

Developing New Habits: Character change often requires developing new behavioral patterns to replace old ones. This might involve learning new communication skills, practicing regular self-reflection, developing gratitude practices, or creating routines that support our values.

Seeking Appropriate Help: Most character change requires guidance and support from others. This might come from sponsors, therapists, counselors, recovery groups, or trusted friends. The important thing is recognizing that we need help and being willing to seek and accept it.

The Role of Community in Character Change

One of the most important insights of Step Six is that character change happens most effectively in community rather than in isolation. Other people provide perspective on our blind spots, accountability for our commitments, models of different ways of being, support during difficult periods of change, and feedback about our progress.

Recovery communities are particularly valuable for Step Six work because they consist of people who understand the challenges of character change from their own experience. They can offer practical suggestions, emotional support, and hope based on their own successful changes.

Community also provides opportunities to practice new ways of being. We can experiment with honesty, humility, service, and other character assets in the relatively safe environment of people who are committed to similar growth.

For those preferring secular approaches, community might include therapy groups, personal development organizations, volunteer activities, professional development programs, or informal networks of friends committed to mutual growth and accountability.

Character Assets and Positive Development

Step Six is not only about removing character defects but also about developing character assets. Character assets are positive qualities like honesty, compassion, courage, humility, generosity, and service that we want to cultivate.

Often, character change involves shifting our focus from what we want to eliminate to what we want to develop. Instead of focusing primarily on not being resentful, we focus on developing forgiveness. Instead of focusing mainly on not being selfish, we focus on developing generosity and service.

This positive approach is often more effective because it gives us something specific to practice rather than simply trying to stop old behaviors. It also creates more motivation because we are working toward something we value rather than simply avoiding something we dislike.

Character assets often develop naturally as character defects are removed. When we stop being dishonest, honesty emerges. When we stop being selfish, natural generosity appears. But we can also actively cultivate positive qualities through conscious practice and repetition.

The Gradual Nature of Character Change

Step Six requires patience with the gradual nature of character development. Most character defects developed over years or decades and will not disappear overnight. Change typically happens slowly, with setbacks and periods of apparent stagnation mixed with times of noticeable progress.

This gradual process can be frustrating for people who want immediate results, but it is actually beneficial for several reasons. Gradual change is more likely to be lasting than sudden transformation. It allows us to integrate new patterns fully into our lives. It gives us time to develop the skills and support systems necessary to maintain changes. And it allows others in our lives to adjust to our changes without feeling threatened or confused.

Understanding the gradual nature of character change helps us maintain realistic expectations and avoid discouragement during difficult periods. We learn to measure progress over months and years rather than days and weeks.

The Spiritual Dimension of Character Change

For those who include spiritual elements in their recovery, Step Six represents a willingness to let spiritual guidance direct our character development. This might involve prayer, meditation, reading spiritual literature, or participating in religious or spiritual communities.

For those preferring secular approaches, the "spiritual" dimension of Step Six can be understood as our connection to values and purposes larger than immediate self-interest. This might involve commitment to family, community service, professional excellence, environmental protection, social justice, or other causes that give life meaning beyond personal satisfaction.

Whether understood spiritually or secularly, Step Six involves aligning our character development with purposes larger than our own comfort and convenience. This broader purpose provides motivation during difficult periods and helps us maintain perspective on the importance of character change.

Common Challenges and How to Address Them

Overwhelming Scope: Some people become overwhelmed by the number of character defects they have identified and feel paralyzed about where to begin. The solution is to start with one or two specific patterns rather than trying to change everything at once. Success with initial changes creates momentum for additional work.

Perfectionism: Some people expect immediate and complete transformation and become discouraged by gradual progress. The antidote is developing realistic expectations and celebrating small improvements rather than demanding dramatic changes.

Isolation: Some people try to work on character change entirely alone and become discouraged by lack of progress. The solution is actively seeking community support, whether through recovery groups, therapy, or trusted friendships.

Intellectualizing: Some people understand their character defects intellectually but resist the emotional and behavioral work necessary for change. The remedy is focusing on action rather than analysis, and accepting that change involves discomfort.

Impatience: Some people want to complete Step Six quickly and become frustrated by the time required for genuine character development. The solution is accepting that character change is a lifelong process rather than a task to be completed.

Integration with Daily Life

Step Six readiness needs to be integrated into daily life through practical habits and routines. This might involve morning reflection on our values and intentions for the day, regular check-ins with sponsors or accountability partners, evening review of our behavior and attitudes, participation in recovery or growth-oriented activities, service work that provides opportunities to practice character assets, and reading or study that supports character development.

The goal is to create a lifestyle that supports character change rather than hoping that good intentions will be sufficient. This requires examining how we spend our time, who we spend it with, what we expose our minds to, and what activities we prioritize.

Relationship Between Steps Six and Seven

Step Six prepares us for Step Seven by creating the readiness necessary for seeking help in character change. We cannot effectively ask for help removing character defects that we are not genuinely ready to release. Step Six ensures that our request for help in Step Seven will be sincere rather than superficial.

The readiness developed in Step Six also helps us recognize and accept help when it becomes available. Often the help we need to change character defects is already present in our lives, but we cannot receive it until we are genuinely ready to change.

Secular Approaches to Spiritual Concepts

For those preferring secular approaches, the spiritual elements of Step Six can be translated into psychological or philosophical terms. Being "entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character" becomes being entirely ready to use all available resources—therapy, community support, education, practice, and commitment—to change patterns that interfere with living according to our values.

The "higher power" that removes character defects might be understood as the power of community support, the effectiveness of evidence-based therapeutic techniques, the strength that comes from clear values and consistent practice, or simply the human capacity for growth and change when supported by appropriate help.

Conclusion

Step Six represents a crucial commitment to character development guided by wisdom greater than our immediate preferences and comfortable habits. It requires honest recognition of our character defects, realistic understanding of the change process, and genuine willingness to seek and follow help in making necessary changes.

The readiness sought in Step Six is not an emotional state but a practical decision to align our lives with our deepest values. This readiness develops through action rather than reflection, and grows stronger as we experience the benefits of character change in our daily lives.

Whether understood in spiritual or secular terms, Step Six opens the door to authentic personal growth that serves not only our own wellbeing but our capacity to contribute meaningfully to others. It moves us beyond the question of whether we can stop drinking to the larger question of what kind of people we want to become in recovery.

Through Step Six, we discover that character change, while challenging, is both possible and deeply rewarding. We learn that we are not condemned to repeat our old patterns indefinitely, but can develop new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving that serve our highest aspirations.

Most importantly, Step Six teaches us that genuine readiness for change is not about feeling prepared but about choosing to begin the journey of becoming who we are capable of being when guided by wisdom, supported by community, and committed to growth rather than comfort.