What This Step Means
Step Six is about becoming willing to change. After looking at your character defects in Steps Four and Five, you now need to reach a point where you're ready to let them go. This step is about wanting to change, even when change is difficult or scary. It's about stopping the defense of your bad behaviors and trusting your Higher Power to help you become a better person.
This step asks you to be "entirely ready," which doesn't mean you have to feel completely comfortable about changing. Instead, it means you're willing to let your Higher Power remove these character defects from your life. You want to change more than you want to stay the same, even if the process of changing feels uncertain or uncomfortable.
The focus of this step is on your willingness and your readiness. You don't have to actually remove the character defects yourself - that's your Higher Power's job in Step Seven. Your job in Step Six is to become willing to let go of the parts of your personality that cause problems for you and others.
What "Character Defects" Are
Character defects are the parts of your personality that hurt you or other people. These are patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that create problems in your life and relationships. Some common character defects include anger and resentment, which can poison your relationships and make you miserable. Selfishness and greed cause you to think only of yourself and ignore the needs of others.
Dishonesty and lying create barriers between you and other people and make it impossible to have trusting relationships. Pride and arrogance make you think you're better than others and prevent you from learning and growing. Fear and worry keep you stuck and prevent you from taking positive risks or trusting in your Higher Power.
Jealousy and envy make you bitter about other people's good fortune and rob you of the ability to be happy for others. Laziness and procrastination prevent you from accomplishing your goals and taking care of your responsibilities. These character defects aren't permanent parts of who you are, but they are patterns that have become habits over time.
It's important to understand that having character defects doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone has character defects, and they often develop as ways of protecting yourself or getting your needs met when you were younger. However, these patterns that might have helped you survive difficult situations often create problems when you continue using them as an adult.
Why This Step Is Hard
Step Six can be one of the most challenging steps because some character defects actually feel good in the moment, even though they cause problems later. For example, anger can make you feel powerful and in control when someone hurts or frustrates you. It can feel satisfying to be angry, even though your anger often makes situations worse and damages your relationships.
Pride can make you feel important and superior to others. It can feel good to think you're smarter, stronger, or better than other people, even though pride often prevents you from learning new things or asking for help when you need it. Selfishness can help you get what you want in the short term, even though it damages your relationships and makes other people not want to help you.
Lying can get you out of trouble or help you avoid embarrassing consequences. It might seem easier to lie than to face the truth about your mistakes. However, dishonesty creates a web of deception that becomes harder and harder to maintain, and it destroys trust in your relationships.
These character defects often provide temporary relief or satisfaction, which makes it hard to want to give them up. Step Six asks you to look beyond the temporary benefits and focus on the long-term costs of these behaviors. It asks you to want something better for yourself and your relationships.
What "Entirely Ready" Means
Being "entirely ready" doesn't mean you have to feel completely confident about changing or that you have to understand exactly how the change will happen. It means you're willing to try to change, even if you're uncertain about the process or the outcome. You're open to letting go of harmful behaviors, even if they've become familiar and comfortable.
Being entirely ready means you're willing to do the work of changing, even when it's difficult. You're ready to practice new behaviors and ways of thinking, even when the old patterns feel easier or more natural. You're willing to trust that your Higher Power can help you become a different kind of person.
This readiness also means you want to be a better person more than you want to hold onto your character defects. You're tired of the problems these defects cause in your life and relationships. You're motivated to change because you can see how these patterns hurt you and the people you care about.
Being entirely ready also means you're trusting that your Higher Power can remove these defects and replace them with healthier ways of thinking and behaving. You don't have to figure out how to change by yourself. You just need to be willing to let the change happen.
How to Become Ready
Becoming ready for your character defects to be removed often starts with honestly looking at the costs of these behaviors. Ask yourself how your character defects have hurt you over the years. How has your anger damaged your relationships? How has your dishonesty created problems at work or with your family? How has your selfishness made other people not want to be around you?
Consider how these defects have affected your physical and mental health. How has constant worry affected your sleep and your peace of mind? How has resentment made you feel bitter and unhappy? How has pride prevented you from getting help when you needed it? When you clearly see the damage these defects have caused, it becomes easier to want to let them go.
Next, think about the benefits of change. How would your life be better if you were less angry and more patient? How would your relationships improve if you were more honest and trustworthy? How much happier would you be if you worried less and trusted your Higher Power more? What kind of person do you want to become, and how would removing these character defects help you become that person?
Prayer and meditation can be very helpful in becoming ready. Ask your Higher Power to help you want to change, even if you don't feel ready yet. You can pray for the willingness to be willing. Ask for help in seeing the truth about how your character defects hurt you and others. Request the desire to become a better person, even if that desire doesn't feel strong right now.
Common Struggles
Many people struggle with Step Six because they genuinely like some of their character defects or find them useful. You might enjoy the feeling of being angry because it makes you feel strong. You might like being prideful because it makes you feel superior to others. It's important to be honest about these feelings rather than pretending you want to change when you really don't.
If you find yourself attached to certain character defects, you can ask your Higher Power to help you want to change. You can pray for willingness to let go of even the defects you enjoy. Focus on how these behaviors ultimately hurt you and others, even if they provide temporary satisfaction.
Some people don't think they can change, especially if they've tried to modify their behavior many times before without success. Remember that in Step Six, you're not trying to change yourself through willpower alone. You're becoming willing to let your Higher Power change you. Many people in AA have experienced dramatic changes in their character that they never thought possible.
Others worry that some of their character defects protect them from being hurt. For example, you might think that being angry keeps people from taking advantage of you, or that being dishonest protects you from getting in trouble. While these defects might provide some protection, they also create bigger problems. Trust that your Higher Power will take care of you in healthier ways as you learn new patterns of behavior.
What This Step Is Not
Step Six is not about asking God to remove your defects - that comes in Step Seven. This step is specifically about becoming ready for that removal to happen. It's about preparing your heart and mind for change, not about the actual changing process.
This step is also not about actually changing your behavior yet. The behavior changes will come with practice and time as you work the remaining steps. Step Six is about the internal preparation that needs to happen before real change can occur.
Step Six is not about becoming perfect or having no personality flaws. Everyone has areas where they can improve, and recovery is about progress, not perfection. The goal is not to become a flawless person but to become willing to let go of the character defects that cause serious problems in your life.
This step is also not about removing all of your personality or becoming a different person entirely. Your basic personality, your sense of humor, your interests, and your unique qualities are not character defects. The goal is to remove the harmful patterns while keeping the positive aspects of who you are.
What This Step IS
Step Six is about becoming willing to change and growing beyond your current limitations. It's about wanting to be a better person and being open to your Higher Power's help in making that happen. It's about preparing for the transformation that can occur when you're truly ready to let go of harmful patterns.
This step is about developing the motivation and willingness that will carry you through the difficult work of changing. It's about reaching a point where you want to change more than you want to stay the same, even if change feels scary or uncertain.
Step Six is also about trusting that change is possible and that your Higher Power wants good things for you. It's about believing that you can become a different kind of person with help and guidance. It's about having hope that your life and relationships can improve significantly.
Most importantly, this step is about preparing for Step Seven, where you'll actually ask your Higher Power to remove your shortcomings. Without the willingness and readiness that develop in Step Six, Step Seven cannot be effective.
Signs You're Ready
You'll know you're ready for Step Six when you want to change more than you want to stay the same. You're tired of the problems your character defects cause, and you're motivated to do whatever it takes to become a better person. You can see clearly how your defects hurt you and others, and you genuinely want to let them go.
You're ready when you're willing to ask for help with changing, rather than trying to fix yourself through willpower alone. You trust that your Higher Power can do for you what you cannot do for yourself. You're open to guidance and willing to try new ways of thinking and behaving.
You're also ready when you can see how your character defects hurt other people, not just yourself. You care about the impact of your behavior on your family, friends, and community. You want to be a positive force in other people's lives rather than a source of problems or pain.
Finally, you're ready when you believe that change is possible. You have hope that you can become a different kind of person with your Higher Power's help. You're willing to trust the process, even if you can't see exactly how the changes will happen.
What Happens Next
When you're entirely ready to have your character defects removed, you can move confidently to Step Seven, where you'll actually ask your Higher Power for help with changing. You'll have a clear vision of who you want to become and strong motivation to do the work required.
Your readiness will help you stay committed to the process of change, even when it becomes difficult or uncomfortable. Change often involves letting go of familiar patterns and learning new ways of behaving, which can feel awkward at first. Your willingness from Step Six will help you persist through these challenges.
You'll also be prepared to notice and appreciate the changes as they happen. When you're truly ready for change, you'll be more aware of improvements in your thinking and behavior. You'll be grateful for your Higher Power's help rather than taking the changes for granted.
Prayer for Step Six
Many people pray something like:
Remember
Step Six is about willingness, not perfection. You don't have to be completely ready or have no doubts about changing. You just need to be willing to try and open to your Higher Power's help. Even a small amount of willingness can be enough to get started.
Change is possible, even if you've tried to change many times before without success. With your Higher Power's help, you can become a different kind of person. Many people in AA have experienced changes they never thought possible.
This step prepares you for real transformation in your character and your life. Trust the process, be patient with yourself, and remember that your Higher Power wants you to be happy, healthy, and free from the character defects that cause you problems.