What This Step Means
Step Three is about letting go of control and learning to trust. After accepting your powerlessness in Step One and developing hope in Step Two, you're now ready to make a decision that will change how you approach life. This step is like deciding to stop trying to drive the bus of your life and instead letting your Higher Power take the wheel.
This decision involves two important parts of yourself. First, you decide to turn your will over to your Higher Power. Your will is your desire to control everything and have everything go your way. Second, you decide to turn your life over to the care of your Higher Power. This means trusting that your Higher Power will take care of you better than you can take care of yourself.
The key word in this step is "decision." You don't have to feel ready to make this decision. You don't have to understand exactly how it will work. You just have to be willing to try a different approach to living. The feelings and understanding often come after you make the decision, not before.
What "Turn Our Will Over" Means
Your will is your strong desire to have things go your way. It's the part of you that wants to control outcomes, control other people, and control your circumstances. When you're running on self-will, you're constantly trying to force life to match your expectations.
Turning your will over means stopping the exhausting effort to control everything. Instead of insisting that things happen your way, you become willing to ask, "What would be best in this situation?" Instead of demanding that other people behave the way you want them to, you focus on your own behavior and let others be responsible for theirs.
This doesn't mean you become passive or stop making decisions. It means you start making decisions with guidance from your Higher Power instead of just following your immediate wants and desires. You learn to pause and consider what the right thing to do might be, rather than automatically doing whatever you feel like doing.
Turning your will over also means becoming willing to accept outcomes that you didn't choose. When things don't go your way, instead of fighting and struggling, you can look for ways to accept the situation and find the good in it.
What "Turn Our Lives Over" Means
Turning your life over to the care of your Higher Power doesn't mean you stop being responsible for your actions. You still have to go to work, pay your bills, take care of your family, and handle your daily responsibilities. What changes is that you stop trying to manage everything by yourself.
Instead of feeling like you have to figure out all of life's problems alone, you start each day by asking your Higher Power for guidance. When you face difficult decisions, you pause and ask for help in knowing what to do. When problems arise, you look for guidance instead of just reacting based on fear or anger.
Turning your life over means trusting that your Higher Power has a plan for you that is better than any plan you could make for yourself. This requires faith, because you can't see the whole picture of how your life will unfold. But you can trust that if you try to do the right thing each day, your life will work out better than if you try to control everything.
This also means being willing to follow guidance even when it's not what you want to do. Sometimes your Higher Power's will for you might involve doing things that are difficult or uncomfortable. But if you trust the process, you'll often find that these difficult things lead to good results.
How to Take This Step
Taking Step Three starts with making the decision, even if you don't feel completely ready. You don't have to wait until you feel sure about it. In fact, most people never feel completely ready to let go of control. But you can decide to try this new way of living, even if you're uncertain about it.
Start each morning by asking your Higher Power to guide your day. This doesn't have to be a long or complicated prayer. You can simply say something like, "Please help me do the right thing today" or "Please guide my thoughts and actions." The important thing is that you're starting your day by acknowledging that you want help.
Throughout the day, try to remember to ask for guidance before making important decisions. Instead of automatically reacting to situations, pause for a moment and ask, "What would be the right thing to do here?" Then listen for the answer, which might come as a feeling, a thought, or a sense of what would be most helpful.
Practice letting go of small things first. If you're stuck in traffic, instead of getting angry, try to accept the situation and use the time peacefully. If someone says something that annoys you, instead of reacting immediately, pause and ask for help in responding wisely.
Common Fears About This Step
Many people are afraid that if they turn their will and life over to their Higher Power, they'll lose their independence and become like robots. They worry that they won't be able to make their own choices or have their own opinions. But the opposite is actually true. When you stop wasting energy trying to control things you can't control, you become more free to focus on things you can actually influence.
Some people fear they'll make the wrong decision by turning their life over to their Higher Power. They think, "What if God wants me to do something I don't want to do?" But most people find that their Higher Power's will for them usually involves becoming a healthier, happier, more loving person, which is what they really wanted all along.
Others worry about how to know what their Higher Power wants them to do. They don't know how to listen for guidance or how to tell the difference between their own thoughts and their Higher Power's direction. This is normal and gets easier with practice. Start by looking for the choice that would be most loving and helpful, and trust that your Higher Power wants good things for you.
Some people are afraid that turning their life over means they'll have to give up things they enjoy or make big changes they're not ready for. But your Higher Power usually works through gradual changes, not sudden dramatic shifts. The goal is for you to become healthier and happier, not to make you miserable.
Practical Ways to Work This Step
In the morning, start your day with a simple prayer asking for guidance. You might say something like, "Higher Power, please help me do your will today. Guide my thoughts, words, and actions so that I can be helpful to others and true to myself." Then set an intention to pay attention to opportunities to be of service.
During the day, when you face stressful or confusing situations, take a moment to ask for help. Before reacting to someone who annoys you, pause and ask for patience. Before making an important decision, ask for wisdom. When you're worried about something, ask for trust that things will work out as they should.
Try to look for ways to be helpful to others throughout your day. This is often how your Higher Power's will becomes clear—through opportunities to be of service. When you see someone who needs help, consider whether you might be the person who is supposed to help them.
In the evening, review your day and notice the times when you felt guided or when things worked out better than you expected. Thank your Higher Power for the help you received, and ask for forgiveness for the times when you forgot to ask for guidance or acted selfishly.
Examples from AA Members
People in AA often share examples of how Step Three has worked in their lives. Someone might say, "I stopped trying to control my teenage daughter's choices and started focusing on being the best parent I could be. Our relationship got so much better when I stopped trying to manage her life."
Others share stories about work or financial situations. "I was terrified about losing my job, but I decided to trust that my Higher Power would take care of me. I focused on doing my best work each day instead of worrying about things I couldn't control. Things worked out better than I could have planned."
Many people describe how Step Three helped them in relationships. "I used to try to change my husband by nagging and criticizing him. When I started focusing on my own behavior and asking my Higher Power to help me be a loving wife, our marriage improved dramatically."
Some people share about major life decisions. "I didn't know whether to move to a new city for a job opportunity. I prayed about it and asked for guidance, and I felt a sense of peace about making the move. It turned out to be exactly what I needed."
What Changes
When people begin practicing Step Three, they often notice that life becomes less stressful. Instead of feeling like they have to solve every problem and control every outcome, they can relax and trust that their Higher Power is helping them. This doesn't mean problems disappear, but they become more manageable.
Decision-making often becomes easier because instead of being paralyzed by trying to figure out the perfect choice, you can ask for guidance and then make the best decision you can with the information you have. You learn to trust that even if you make a mistake, your Higher Power can work through it.
People working Step Three usually find that they worry less about the future. Instead of lying awake at night thinking about all the things that could go wrong, they can trust that their Higher Power will help them handle whatever comes. This leads to better sleep and less anxiety.
Relationships often improve when you practice Step Three because you stop trying to control other people and focus on being the best person you can be. When you're not constantly trying to change others, they feel more comfortable around you and your relationships become more peaceful.
The Key Word: Willingness
The most important thing about Step Three is willingness. You don't have to be perfect at letting go of control. You don't have to never worry or never try to manage outcomes. You just need to be willing to try a different approach to living.
Some days you'll remember to ask for guidance and trust your Higher Power, and other days you'll forget and go back to trying to control everything. This is normal and expected. The important thing is that you keep coming back to the decision to turn your will and life over to your Higher Power's care.
Willingness also means being open to guidance even when it's not what you initially wanted. Sometimes your Higher Power's will might involve doing something difficult or uncomfortable. But if you're willing to trust the process, you'll often find that these challenging situations lead to growth and positive changes.
Remember
Step Three is a decision you make over and over again, not just once. Every morning you can decide again to turn your will and life over to your Higher Power's care. Every time you face a difficult situation, you can remember to ask for guidance instead of trying to handle it alone.
This step gets easier with practice. At first, it might feel strange to ask for help with decisions or to let go of trying to control outcomes. But the more you practice, the more natural it becomes. You'll start to notice that life flows more smoothly when you're not fighting against it all the time.
Remember that your Higher Power wants good things for you. The goal of turning your will and life over is not to make you miserable or take away everything you enjoy. The goal is to help you become the person you're meant to be and to live the life that will make you truly happy and fulfilled.
Most importantly, remember that you don't have to do this perfectly. Your Higher Power can work with your imperfect efforts and honest intentions. The key is to keep trying, keep asking for help, and keep trusting that you're being guided toward what's best for you.