Step Three

PRACTICING Step Three is like opening a door that appears to be locked tight. All that's needed is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it's called willingness. Once unlocked by willingness, the door opens almost by itself, and looking through it, there's a pathway with an inscription that reads: "This is the way to a faith that works." In the first two Steps people are engaged in reflection. They see that they are powerless over alcohol, but they also realize that faith of some kind, even if only in AA itself, is possible for anyone. These conclusions don't require action; they require only acceptance.

Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for positive action, because it's only through action that people can cut away the self-will that has always blocked the entry of God—or, if you prefer, a Higher Power—into their lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone accomplishes nothing. One can have faith, yet keep God out of their life. Therefore the problem now becomes exactly how and by what specific means they can let God in. Step Three represents their first attempt to do this. In fact, according to AA experience, the effectiveness of the whole program will depend upon how well and earnestly they have tried to come to "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God."

To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, this Step looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can they turn their own will and their own life over to the care of whatever God they think there is? Fortunately, those in AA who have tried it, and with equal doubts, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can begin to do it. They can further add that a beginning, even the smallest, is all that is needed. Once they have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have opened the door even slightly, they find that they can always open it some more. Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment they again pick up the key of willingness.

Maybe this all sounds mysterious and remote, something like quantum physics or advanced computer algorithms. It isn't at all. Let's look at how practical it actually is. Every man and woman who has joined AA and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters concerning alcohol, each of them has decided to turn their life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved to cast out their own will and their own ideas about the alcohol problem in favor of those suggested by AA. Any willing newcomer feels sure AA is the only safe harbor for the sinking ship they have become. Now if this is not turning their will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it?

But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly will, "Yes, regarding alcohol, I guess I have to depend on AA, but in all other matters I must still maintain my independence. Nothing is going to turn me into a nobody. If I keep turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me? I'll disappear completely." This, of course, is how instinct and logic always try to prop up ego, and so prevent spiritual development. The trouble is that this kind of thinking doesn't take the real facts into account. And according to AA experience, the facts seem to be these: The more people become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent they actually are. Therefore dependence, as the AA approach practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.

Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence at the level of everyday living. In this area it's startling to discover how dependent people really are, and how unconscious of that dependence. Every modern home has electrical wiring carrying power and light throughout the building. People are delighted with this dependence; their main hope is that nothing will ever cut off the supply of electricity. By accepting their dependence upon this marvel of technology, they find themselves more independent personally. Not only are they more independent, they are even more comfortable and secure. Power flows exactly where it's needed. Silently and reliably, electricity, that mysterious energy so few people understand, meets the simplest daily needs, and the most critical ones, too. Ask someone dependent on a ventilator who relies with complete trust upon a machine to keep the breath of life in them.

But the moment people's mental or emotional independence is questioned, how differently they behave. How stubbornly they claim the right to decide all by themselves exactly what they shall think and exactly how they shall act. Oh yes, they'll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. They'll listen politely to those who would advise them, but all the decisions are to be theirs alone. Nobody is going to interfere with their personal independence in such matters. Besides, they think, there is no one they can completely trust. They are certain that their intelligence, backed by willpower, can properly control their inner lives and guarantee them success in the world they live in. This bold philosophy, where each person plays God, sounds good when spoken, but it still has to meet the ultimate test: how well does it actually work? One good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.

Should their own image in the mirror be too awful to look at (and it usually is), they might first take a look at the results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency. Everywhere they see people filled with anger and fear, society breaking up into warring groups. Each group says to the others, "We are right and you are wrong." Every such pressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously forces its will upon the rest. And everywhere the same thing is being done on an individual basis. The sum of all this mighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than before. The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not working. Clearly enough, it is a crushing force whose final achievement is destruction.

Therefore, alcoholics can consider themselves fortunate indeed. Each has had their own near-fatal encounter with the destructive force of self-will, and has suffered enough under its weight to be willing to look for something better. So it is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that they have been driven to AA, have admitted defeat, have acquired the basics of faith, and now want to make a decision to turn their will and their lives over to a Higher Power.

AA members realize that the word "dependence" is as distasteful to many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alcoholics. Like professional friends, they, too, are aware that there are wrong forms of dependence. Many have experienced these harmful forms. No adult, for example, should be in too much emotional dependence upon a parent. They should have been weaned long before, and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact. This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a rebellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sort must be intolerably damaging. But according to AA experience, dependence upon an AA group or upon a Higher Power hasn't produced any harmful results.

When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major test. AA members entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in AA carry them through? Well, it did. They had even fewer alcoholic relapses or emotional breakdowns than AA members safe at home did. They were just as capable of endurance and courage as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on the beaches of Normandy, their dependence upon a Higher Power worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependence was their chief source of strength.

So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turn their will and their life over to the Higher Power? They made a beginning, as has been seen, when they started to rely upon AA for the solution of their alcohol problem. By now, though, the chances are that they have become convinced that they have more problems than alcohol, and that some of these refuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determination and courage they can gather. They simply will not budge; they make them desperately unhappy and threaten their newfound sobriety. The person is still victimized by guilt and shame when they think of yesterday. Bitterness still overwhelms them when they dwell on those they still envy or hate. Their financial insecurity worries them sick, and panic takes over when they think of all the bridges to safety that alcohol burned behind them. And how shall they ever straighten out that awful mess that cost them the love of their family and separated them? Their lone courage and unaided will cannot do it. Surely they must now depend upon Somebody or Something else.

At first that "somebody" is likely to be their closest AA friend. They rely upon the assurance that their many troubles, now made more intense because they cannot use alcohol to numb the pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor points out that their friend's life is still unmanageable even though they are sober, that after all, only a bare start on the AA program has been made. Simple sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be far from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is just where the remaining Steps of the AA program come in. According to AA experience, nothing short of continuous action upon these as a way of life can bring the much-desired result.

Then it is explained that other Steps of the AA program can be practiced with success only when Step Three is given a determined and persistent trial. This statement may surprise newcomers who have experienced nothing but constant deflation and a growing conviction that human will is worthless. They have become persuaded, and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will not yield to a direct assault powered by the individual alone. But now it appears that there are certain things that only the individual can do. All by themselves, and in the light of their own circumstances, they need to develop the quality of willingness. When they acquire willingness, they are the only one who can make the decision to exert themselves. Trying to do this is an act of their own will. All of the Twelve Steps require sustained and personal effort to conform to their principles and so, many in AA trust, to God's will.

It is when people try to make their will conform with God's will that they begin to use it rightly. To all AA members, this was a most wonderful revelation. Their whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. They had tried to attack their problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for them. According to AA literature, to make this increasingly possible is the purpose of the Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.

Once people have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or uncertainty, they can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. God's will, not mine, be done."